I should be boxing more books to sell, using up this mountain of scrapbooking paper, sorting clothes, bagging up plastics and non-burnables for their respective pick-up days. But the weather has been so disgustingly beautiful that Hannah and I have taken to spending entire days at the park. Can you blame us?
I'm keeping a mental list of the things I'll miss, some of which cause a pain so deep I can't say them out loud. Can't admit that they'll be gone from my life, possibly forever. Why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we begin to truly love and appreciate a place when it's time to say goodbye? I'm torn. Between homes. Between lifestyles. Between the people and things I love. Between families. Between continents.I'll spend this month savoring. Capturing. Thanking. I know it'll never be enough. My offerings never are, but the essence of this culture is humble gratitude. As I soak up one more month of the Rising Sun and bow my head to this beautiful land and its people, I hope I might also absorb the values I had hoped for Hannah to learn here. Japan wasn't in the plan. None of this was. But I'm glad it happened.
5 comments:
Susie- I just wanted to let you know I enjoy your posts on this blog! I lived in Yokota, Japan from 1993-1996 with my parents and I suppose I can kind of identify with what you write. And then I lived in Spain for 2 years on my own, and finally after adjusting to and appreciating the culture, I had to leave. It was hard yet good. I hope you appreciate your last month and all that your time in Japan has taught you! Best wishes and good luck! -Joanna
I feel you about beginning to love a place when you are about to leave. I always start to appreciate things about a place just before I move.
I was not in Japan for long, and my experience in general wasn't as great as yours seems to have been, but I can identify with that heart aching feeling you get about missing things about Japan, for sure. I still get it sometimes and I can imagine what you'll feel when you feel it in the future. But you will be just fine, wherever you go.
Also I might add, I feel that feeling of missing a place for say, BYU for example. But I think it's different, more acute, about Japan soley b/c it's SO different there it's like another planet, and it's SO far away.
I think it's also the permanence of leaving.
Yeah, I guess that's better said- it feels so much more permanent b/c Japan is so far away, when if you leave one state for another, that feels much less permanent, less different, more likely you'll still see the people you love. I guess just try to remember why you aren't staying? Like remember your reasons for leaving. Maybe that will help. It will be a hard adjustment, I know.
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