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Sunday, March 28, 2010

I have an idea . . .

For every REAL blog I write, I'll also write two or three "promise blogs" to keep everyone hanging. That way I'm only really doing a third of the work! Yes! I love doing third-assed jobs!

No, seriously. Hannah's birthday party was so . . . pink. I really don't have a better word to describe it. Wall to wall, bubbly, girly, pepto bismol pink. She loved every minute of it. Tea and biscotti, costume parade, dance party, painting tea cups, Totoro cake . . . I mean, what's not to love about any of that? I woke up the next morning with a frosting hangover, and when I went upstairs to the living room to inventory the damage, I thought to myself wow, now that's a lot of plastic toys she totally didn't need. Except the potty. She really needed the pink plastic potty. And the Lego wagon. What little girl doesn't need a pink plastic Lego wagon? And how did she ever get around before without her pink plastic tricycle? Helloooooo pink plastic baby doll stroller! No, she doesn't need any of those things. But life sure is easier funner pinker now that she does.

SO . . . I have lots of pictures. And videos. And ideas for her 2-year-old video montage and sappy love blog. Yes. I. do.

In other news, she sat on her potty before our shower this morning. There she was, proud, animated, buck naked little Hannah, sitting on a potty, not peeing but making the sound "pssssssssss" like she really was, the little turkey. She's also learning some amazingly profound new songs, including but not limited to: "Tinkle Tinkle Little Tot," "The Tushy Pushy" and "Itsy Bitsy Poo Poo." Video coming soon. Just kidding.

Friday, March 26, 2010

Ninjas!

Hiya!

Waaaaaaaaah!

Hooah!

Hai!

Wassaaaaaaap!

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Hmph.

I've spent the last 2.5 hours . . .

not enjoying the beautiful sunny weather

not taking my daughter to swim "lessons"

not reading my depressing-but-intriguing book

not making progress on pretty much anything

not much caring that "taking a break" has lasted so long.


So there.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Happy birthday to my 2-year old!

Even though she's been two (to me) for the past 6 months or so.

I'm working on the birthday video. It'll probably be late. Still haven't found just the right song (it's harder than you'd think). Until then, I'll be celebrating by going out with my sister to finally celebrate HER birthday (which was about 2 weeks ago), while Hannah spends the next week opening presents.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

When Hannah Plays: A Royal Subject's Log

7:34AM A soft, sweet voice, hoarse from deep sleep, begins to sing. Nothing in particular at first - just moos, baas and la la las. The tiny vocal chords stretch and sigh, testing the room's acoustical integrity in their warm up. Slowly, like a heron unfurling its wings, her song takes shape. Takes flight. It crescendos to a steady hum as she chooses her song of the day. Sometimes it is twinkling stars and wondrous light. Sometimes it is pooh bears and piglets. Sometimes it is her favorite forest troll who enjoys "genki" walks through the forest. A farm of singing animals. A very determined spider. An exceptionally large drum. Sometimes it is something I've never heard before - a song of the heart whose meaning and tune she alone knows. In the wee hours of the morning, our windowless room dark as the blackest night, she shares her song with whoever will listen. And if no one listens, she sings louder.

8:00AM
Her song complete (for now), she stands in her bed and reaches for the light between us, diaper crinkling, fingers fumbling. *click* A glowing face appears across the nightstand, smiling in a brilliant nebula of nut brown hair.

"Hi!" she sings.
"Hi baby. How are you?"
"Cooool."
"Good! Did you have nice sleeps?"
"Yep."
"Good. Are you hungry?"
"Loooooonch?"

8:10AM Eating with her majesty is like eating with a smallish vaccuum. I honestly don't know where she puts it all. I can serve her an adult-sized bowl of oatmeal, bananas and honey, and she is finished before I can sit down to my own humble breakfast of coffee and toast. She needs but look at a person in her calm matter-of-fact way for them to offer all they have on their plate, just to keep her satisfied. A connoisseur of fine dining, she helps herself to my toast, graciously leaving me the soggy bits with dregs of oatmeal and bananas. She says, with that gleam in her eye, that she is saving me from myself.

9:00AM Her whims and wishes rule our lives with spunky tenacity. It matters not what she asks for - a book on the highest shelf, a bite of her uncle's cereal, a chance to strum a guitar with wreckless abandon or gracefully walk her fingers down the piano's keyboard, to wear every beaded necklace in the costume chest (the jingles and rattles echoing throughout her kingdom), an entire apple to herself, to be ceremoniously cloaked in every blanket she owns, to be carried up the stairs (though her legs work just fine, I assure you), or to sleep with every doll and stuffed animal in the toy box . . . we listen, and obey . . . because we only desire what she desires. At least this is what we tell her.

10:00AM Because of her young age, our queen is a little less than popular with the other, more seasoned queens of the land. At Toddler (Tea) Time she ignores their upturned noses and petty snatching of balls and tricycles, preferring a peaceful play time where all can be safe under her watch. She then craftily builds her own fortress of tunnels and parachutes and collects every ball on the court in her domicile to prove that, however small, she is still the most powerful queen in the land.

12:00PM
After a hearty lunch, the queen sleeps, and so must I.

3:30PM I am taken aback at her mastery of the dual-weapon wield. With a wooden sword in one hand and a jedi light saber in the other, evil ghosts, monsters, and bothersome cousins don't stand a chance against her prowess on the battlefield. She is quite decorated with wounds from previous battles. Fierce and brave, she tumbled from the highest peak of mount Unmade Bed down to the darkest depths of the Lego Abyss, her chin and a wooden dresser the only things to stop her. She is a merciful queen, applauding loyalty and bravery where it is due, but she rules her subjects with an iron fist. "ZACH!!!" she bellows with fervor and power when her beloved 8-year-old cousin strays too far from her side. He dashes back, breathlessly genuflecting before her,

"Yes, my queen?"

Nothing, just a drill, she says. Don't worry, you've passed. As you were.



4:00PM Having no children of her own, our queen holds a special place in her heart for those plastic people tender in age. At any given time during the day she is faithfully caring for not one, not two, not three, but 5 baby dolls who demand her love. "Awwwwww. Bee-beeeee" she says, squeezing its head has hard as she can (for head-squeezing is of utmost importance in childcare; just ask her). She wraps blankets around their faces (protection from the harsh winter cold) and carries them on her small, cocked-out hip, bouncing them and stopping every few steps to readjust and move her little one to the other hip. I can't imagine the toll this must take on her majesty. Night and day they cry for her, demanding to be fed plastic bottles, have their heads squeezed and faces wrapped in blankets. I don't know how she does it and manages her kingdom all at once.

5:00PM The queen has begun riding lessons, at $1.00 each. At this rate she will soon compete (and win, of course) in the events of equestrian, horse racing, jousting, and of course, not losing her cookies under the influence of centrifugal force. Wishing not to reveal her secret weapon in these events, her only comment to the presses, thus far, has been "Weeeeeeeee!"


6:00PM Preferring a late afternoon snack to an ordinary sit-down supper, her majesty has taken to climbing between dining room chairs and screaming like a banshee until our barbaric custom is finished.


7:00PM Her majesty's most shining hour. Between renditions of the game "Marco, Polo" (usually "Dada, Hannah" or "Mama, Hannah" or "Hannah, Hannah") and running around the house with her shirt held over her head (should anyone want to partake of a sticky-but-satisfying belly), the queen can be found climbing the highest, most technically challenging peaks of the kingdom. The Couch. The Table. The Toilet. The Computer Desk. The Computer. The Rocking Chair. The Book Shelf. It is usually on The Book Shelf where she chooses this night's bedtime stories. After 30 minutes of milk, stories, aerobics, and brushing of teeth, we say adieu and good night to our fair little queen, until morning when her nightengale song wakes us again.


8:00PM The kingdom is silent. It sighs, stretches, and cracks its vertebrae back into place. We all know our place, and it's a perfect place to be.

Sunday, March 21, 2010

When Hannah Eats: Limmericks and Poems



Thought a bottle-fed toddler, while drinking,
"My taste for this stuff is quite shrinking."
And in one minute flat, she threw up a whole vat,
And at snack time said, "That was smart thinking!"


A cruel vegetarian mama
Had a child with a small taste for drama
After lunch time she dealt
With Zach's BMT melt
Thus beginning her own meat-o-rama.


Licking the Butter off the Bread
(To the tune of Painting the Roses Red from Disney's Alice in Wonderland)

Licking the butter off the bread
Licking the butter off the bread!
She slurps and smiles at piles and miles
Of blissful, buttery spread
She should eat her carrots insteeeeeeeeead . . .
Of licking the butter off the bread!


A Meal Fit for Me
I don't want pasta with cheesy cream sauce
Keep lasagnas and stews from my sight.
No pizzas and curries while Mama, she hurries
To fill me up, no! Not a bite!

Miso and rice balls are temptingly tasty
Blueberries, apples, alright.
My taste is exotic, my palate quixotic
And so, you must realize my plight.

For starters I'd say the Legos flambe
Indeed, whet my appetite fine.
And if you agree, what a gem I can be
If you don't, I'll have cheese with my whine.

A salad of pennies, loose threads and dust bunnies
My taste buds will never lie fallow
And then, the main course, rusty shoe of a horse
Washed down with three leaves of aloe.

Dessert, you could say, in an eloquent way
Is deserving of sweetest grandeur.
A hairball, some floss and some liverwort moss
Topped off with a fly-fishing lure.

But we're not quite through, for I really must chew
Bubble gum - 15 packs, quite alone.
A cup full of ice, some small plastic dice
Shards of glass, and a yellow snow cone.

Wees?

"Wees?" she says, "Wees?"
And you just can't ignore
Those sad hungry eyes,
Then she smiles
And croons, "Moooooooore?"



by Suzie (Mama) Stephensen

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

When Hannah speaks: a dictionary



In case of emergency . . .

Aaaaaaaahhhhp?
= up, help
doon! = down
eech! = reach
touch! = high five
way = wave
nooz = nose
eyes = eyes, ears, shoulders, belly, knees
bee-bo = belly button (thank you, Sandra Boynton)
nook = mouth
togi = toes
doog. wan wan! = dog. woof woof!
titty. meeeeow! = kitty. meow!
titah. raaaa! = tiger. roar!
eh-pan. raaaa! = elephant. roar!
dada. raaaa! = Daddy. roar!
bee-bee. Awwww. = Baby. Awwww.
mama. Awwww. = Mama. Awwww.
orse. moooo! = horse! moooo!
pee. *snorting sound* = pig. *snorting sound*
dak. mooooo = cow. moooo!
go-dee-dah = gorilla
kong kong kong kong! = train
wees = please
tee-too = thank you
loonch? = lunch/breakfast/dinner/snack
niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiilk? = milk
dooce = juice
wa-wak = water
push! = turn on the TV/flush the toilet/open the door
mooooooah? = more/(pointing) I want that
ahpoo = apple
nana = banana
tease = cheese
pan = bread
ah-dah! = all done
oishii! = yummy
teekee = stinky
Wee Wee Poo = Winnie the Pooh
bee bee tah-bah bah-bah = big bass thumper-bumper
Eeeeeee-me = Amy
Dack, Yak = Zach
Ee-ten = Ethan
hewo. coooo. = Hello. Cool.
nani? = what's this?
na-night = night night
mmmmmmmmm = (puckering lips) kiss please
ba-bye. syoo dee-der = bye bye. see you later.
ah-tide? = outside
wook wook! = look look!
inai inai . . . bah! = peek-a-boo!
no no = yes, no, maybe, I don't know, I'm too tired to answer, (pointing) I shouldn't touch that