Thursday, September 2, 2010

Fragments of thoughts

Coming down from the thrill that was being a part of "Annie" has been rough. Really rough. I miss the people. I miss the diversion . . . spending 3 hours of my evening back stage in musty dressing rooms and between cobwebbed cement walls covered in signatures . . . it sounds dreadful, but it was bliss. It was theater. Screwed up lines and improvisations, costume changes and clouds of hair spray, eating our weight in Twizzlers while giggling that our mic packs were encased in latex condoms to "protect" them, doing sheep and velociraptor impressions between acts and making Daddy Warbucks laugh so hard he couldn't stop when we were on stage. We sold out 5 of the 8 shows. I had friends who literally couldn't come because they couldn't get tickets. It was just that good. I miss it. So. Much.

The aforementioned "adventure" that was to occur after "Annie" was a Broadway music review in conjunction with the First City Festival on September 11th. For reasons too numerous and multi-faceted to name, that didn't happen. Suffice it to say that 7 of the 10 people involved were in agreement that the show wasn't working, and wouldn't be something we could put on stage and be proud of. It was a painfully difficult decision to make, and I'm still not 100% sure it was the right one for me. . . but it's done, and it's time to move on.

Now the carpet has been swept from under my feet. Disoriented and slightly depressed, I feel like I need to be somewhere when I don't. There's more than meets the eye in that dusty old theater full of fire hazards, Stetson hats and feather boas. It draws you in with bread crumb trails and eats you whole if you're not careful. It fills your life with interesting people and forms a hunger in your heart for more. More tours through labyrinthine prop rooms and haunted basements. More opportunities to be bathed in sawdust and spirit gum. More mic checks and vocal warm-ups, curtains and backdrops, green rooms and rituals. I need an outlet for all this creative energy I had intended for the next show. I have a mind to put together a recital - a marriage of classical and Broadway songs for soprano. I'm excited to brainstorm and draw ideas and inspiration from a very dear friend and former voice professor next weekend. I'll keep you posted on that. I also looked up audition dates for the KC Symphony Chorus (they just had them recently, but will have more in January) and the Lyric Opera of Kansas City (February). I'll find something.

In the meantime, I'm trying to gather as many voice and piano students as I can. Teaching fills me, though I know it doesn't fill my pockets. Because he is trying to complete his EMT certification in one mind-blowing semester Hans is up to his ears in class work, which makes getting a job and moving out of my parents' house nearly impossible. I'm grateful for their patience and love while we try to detangle our messes and piece our post-Japan life back together before their eyes. This has been easy for no one.

For those still reading, thank you. Your open hearts and listening ears give me a safe place to keep my thoughts.


Samantha said...

Ah! The old post show let down. I only really did theatre in HS but I know that feeling.

I also know the feeling of living with your parents post- Japan, and them seeing you try to get it together right in front of them, although I know it wasn't the exact same situation. Thank heavens for parents, and thank heavens for moving out.

You sound a lot like a friend of mine who is also a classical singer. She takes students whenever she can but she and her brother and some other singer friends get a pianist and have "Music in the parlour" in their house every month or so. They have wine and cheese after, advertise where they can, suggest a donation, set up chairs, and have a little show, usually with a theme of some kind, of whatever music they want to put together. I went once and it was really cool. There's an idea for you!

Suzie said...

Not a bad idea! Sounds a lot like the studio gatherings I'd go to as a voice major. Anyone else in Leavenworth interested? ;)

courtney*adele said...

i understand where are you are coming from, and know things are exactly peachy right now, but just know that even though you may not be able to see it, or touch it, or grasp it, there is a plan out there for you guys. it's never an easy feeling to be discontented, but to a degree all of us are- most people just aren't willing/ able to talk about it. you really need to make a flyer about your piano lessons and get it posted in the leavenworth lamp, on craigslist, etc. you are super talented and will have no problem getting students if you advertise right! if you want me to make you a flyer, i'd be more than happy to! more than anything, just know that you have a support system of family and friends and that is more than a lot of people can say in this world- you are one lucky gal! hugs!